Here are two approaches you can use to ‘think positive’ and get back into a state where you have ease and can concentrate.

Focus on the Moment

1. Focus on the specific physical feeling you are having in your body, not on your thoughts.
For example, say to yourself slowly, “I feel tension in my shoulders; I have a sinking feeling in my stomach.” Don’t focus on thoughts like, “What if I lose my job” or “I have so much to do”. Before 7 seconds have passed, you will notice a shift in the feeling in your body and breathing will come easier. Keep doing this a few times until the feeling of anxiety has passed.

2. Focus on what you CAN control in the moment.
Your thoughts tend to run wild towards worst case scenarios and what you can’t control. Try to pinpoint something specific you are worried about, and determine specifically what worries you about the situation. Ask yourself, “What can I do right now to have more control over the outcome of this situation?” Action replaces fear.

By Sharon Melnick, PhD
3. Train your body to get rid of fear.
Do this exercise: Bring together the tips of the thumb and index finger and bring your hands up so they are in front of your chest facing away from you. You will breathe in through your nose, and out through your mouth. Each time you breathe out, forcefully push your hands away from you like you are pushing away something you don’t want and blow out through your mouth. Then breathe in through your nose and bring your hands back towards your chest, with your elbows by your side. Do this exercise for 1-3 minutes and you will train your body to get rid of fear.

Take yourself out of the moment — Sometimes overfocusing on the moment keeps you stressed. Instead:

4. Project yourself into the future.
Picture yourself in the distant future, when this particular moment is insignificant and you have worked out your current problems. This ‘future’ version of your self has more perspective on your overall life than you do right now — ask it what the best way is to proceed in the current situation.

5. Use distraction.
Make the distraction productive: connect with other people, go outside in a natural environment that is soothing for your senses, do a breathing exercise, listen to music or a motivating talk. Don’t just numb out with an unmemorable surfing session on the internet or putter around at your desk. Probably the best distraction you can do is to be grateful for the problems that you have. Though it sounds trite, there are many people in the world whose problems are much worse than yours. I immediately think of a child I support in Africa barely living with running water, or a man I often see in the subway station who has no arms. It immediately gives me renewed appreciation for all that I have and then energizes me to do something with it. This works for a lot of people and may work for you too!

Here’s a link to a recording that previews the Success under Stress for Women program.. We start the actual program next week so if you want to be more efficient at accomplishing work, have good concentration and energy all day long and sleep through the night, then don’t miss getting on the train that’s about to leave the station. Click here to find out more: http://getcontrolnow.com/
Here’s to you being positive when you are anxious!

A Daily Resolution for Change
Regardless of where you find yourself on the spectrum, being appreciative and thankful is a great way to start the new year and an opportunity to move toward greater wellness. When I am in need of healing or a change in my life, the first thing I try to remember to do is to focus on what I am truly grateful for.

I think most of us have made New Year’s resolutions in the past with the intention of creating positive changes in our lives. Unfortunately, many of us have not followed through with those resolutions nor created lasting change in our lives.

In my experience a far better solution for change is to cultivate a daily attitude of gratitude. If you don’t already have a gratitude journal, I recommend starting one and adding to it each and every day. Ideally, you already have a list of things you’re grateful for in your head and perhaps you have written some of those down.

If you decide to keep a journal, remember that habits are usually formed within three to four weeks. With a bit of focus, gratitude tends to take on a life of its own. Over time you will find a more positive (and less stress-inducing) attitude will become more automatic.

What Are You Thankful For?
Even in difficult times, there is always something to be grateful for, such as the breath of life, our heart beat, the blessings of family, friends, pets, sunshine, water, food, or any number of things we usually take for granted. Begin by simply allowing yourself (as best you can) to fully welcome the feeling of thankfulness in your heart for the simple things.

Another way to cultivate gratitude is to simply accept whatever is manifesting in your life right now, whether “good” or “bad.” This means letting go of dissatisfactions and even the desire to change. I know this sounds contradictory, but oftentimes the wanting to change creates negative feelings that can block inspired solutions. The more you can let go of resistance to what is, the more you can feel grateful for what you already have.

And if you need more inspiration, the following vignettes (which have been widely circulated on the internet) can help put things into perspective and remind us of what we have to be thankful for:

1. If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep, you are richer than 75 percent of the people in the world.

2. If you can attend a church or synagogue meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture or death, you are more blessed than 3 billion people in the world.

3. If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation, you are more blessed than 500 million people in the world.

4. If you have money in the bank, money in your wallet, and spare change in a dish, you are among the top 8 % of the world’s wealthy.

5. If you woke up this morning with more health than illness, you are more blessed than the million who will not survive this week.

Benefits of a Grateful Disposition
Robert Emmons, a psychology professor at the University of California Davis, is engaged in a research project on the nature of gratitude and its potential consequences for human health and well-being. Here is just a sampling of what they have discovered thus far:

• Well-Being: Grateful people report higher levels of positive emotions, life satisfaction, vitality, optimism and lower levels of depression and stress. The disposition toward gratitude appears to enhance pleasant feeling states more than it diminishes unpleasant emotions. Grateful people do not deny or ignore the negative aspects of life.

• Prosociality: People with a strong disposition toward gratitude have the capacity to be empathic and to take the perspective of others. They are rated as more generous and more helpful by people in their social networks.

• Spirituality: Grateful people are more likely to acknowledge a belief in the interconnectedness of all life and a commitment to and responsibility to others. Gratitude does not require religious faith, but faith enhances the ability to be grateful.

• Materialism: Grateful individuals place less importance on material goods. They are less likely to judge their own and others’ success in terms of possessions accumulated. They are less envious of others and are more likely to share their possessions with others relative to less grateful persons.

The Healing Power of Gratitude
Japanese scientist Masaru Emoto’s work with water also reveals the healing power of gratitude. Using high-speed photography, Emoto discovered that when thoughts, feelings, or words of gratitude were directed toward water, the most beautiful and the most intricate of all water crystals were formed.
In his book The Hidden Messages in Water, Emoto concludes: “What the world needs now is gratitude. We must begin by learning what it means to have enough. We need to feel gratitude for having been born on a planet so rich in nature, and gratitude for the water that makes our life possible…When you have become the embodiment of gratitude, think about how pure the water that fills your body will be. When this happens, you yourself will be a beautiful, shining crystal of light.”

By Nancy Hearn

Change Your Thinking
It’s very possible to overcome your habit of giving up on New Year’s resolutions with a few basic tips. Above all else, avoid regarding your resolutions as something to aspire to and then forgetting them when they no longer seem pertinent or interesting. New Year’s resolutions can be extremely enriching and self-improving if you find a way to maintain them throughout the year.

Here are some tips for keeping your resolutions:

1. Make a firm commitment.
You must be willing to make a strong commitment to change in order for your resolutions to be successful. Believe that you can, and will, accomplish what you set out to do. If you give yourself unwavering support, then you’ll bolster that belief and achieve what you seek.

• Choose New Year’s resolutions that you genuinely want to achieve. Make positive resolutions and focus on the positive aspects of achieving them.

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• Tell someone you trust about your resolutions. When someone else knows what you’re setting out to
achieve, they can help hold you accountable.

• Plan ahead how you want your year to end and develop your goals based on that vision. “See” yourself at the end of the following year having achieved the goals and resolutions you set at the beginning on that year. It helps keep you focused and the sub-conscious mind works to create the vision and bring it to reality.

2. Have realistic expectations.
Continued motivation is the key to achieving your goals. If you set the bar too high, then you also set yourself up for failure, which can be profoundly de-motivating for you.

• Aim realistically, rather than too high. Give yourself a challenge, but not so much of a challenge that you end up setting yourself up for inevitable failure.

• If you plan on setting similar resolutions as last year, consider first and foremost why last year’s resolutions failed. If your resolutions didn’t work last time, then determine why in order to avoid a repeat performance.

3. Write down your goals.
When you put your resolutions into writing, you make them real. You put your commitment down on paper. Put your goals where you can see them, in written form, so you won’t forget what you’re setting out to achieve this year. You could even create a vision board or a vision book as a concrete reminder of what you desire to create.

4. Plan out your goals.
Articulating what you intend to achieve this year is a big part of setting resolutions, but planning how to achieve them is a completely different story. Write down a plan for each resolution that you want to achieve rather than simply hoping for the best.

5. Give your goals flexibility.
Not everything is going to work out exactly the way you planned, so be flexible in the goals that you set. Avoid allowing rigid resolutions to throw you off track if something doesn’t go quite how you planned it. Try to predict what challenges you may face, and create a Plan B for those challenges if and when they arise.

Bottom Line
You can keep your New Year’s resolutions if you do a little bit of planning and preparing ahead of time. Just like any goal setting process, the key is to be realistic about your goals and the challenges you may face in trying to achieve them. The more realistic and flexible you are, the more likely you’ll be to achieve your goals.

by Ginny Edwards

A respected and liked leader operates from a base of integrity and honesty. You can be trusted to do what you say you will do and people believe that you will act for the good of the situation, the firm, and/or them-depending on the circumstances. Others may not like what is happening but they know the leader is acting upon what he or she believes is the best option given the timing and situation. While these traits can make you vulnerable, you will generally find that people will stand up with you and behind you for support. Telling people the good, the bad, and all the important details in between builds a base for them to share with you. Many times, an innovative suggestion will emanate from an unexpected source.

Leaders find ways to create small wins for the team as this helps to motivate people to continue striving and achieving towards individual and group efforts. Opportunities are set up to reach achievable goals so that good feelings of esteem and attitude are regularly obtained.

A sense of humor helps keep the perspective – especially when times are tense or troubled. Let’s face it, hardly anything in life can’t be laughed at if you look for that element. We tend to look for the worst so go for it and magnify those scenarios until you find the ludicrous in the situation. Of course, humor is important for everyday use as well – so many studies have proven this over and over. We’ve all heard that laughter is the best medicine, and it’s true. Jim Rohn states that “in leadership we learn that it’s okay to be witty, but not silly. It’s okay to be fun, but not foolish.”

Over the years I have found a great deal of truth to the following statement made by General H. Norman Schwarzkopf. “Some of the best leadership lessons I learned as a young officer were from terrible officers. I mean, absolutely morally bankrupt officers who had no redeeming qualities. People followed them out of sheer wonder for what they would do next. You learn far more from negative leadership than from positive leadership because you learn how not to do it. And, therefore, you learn how to do it.”

A good leader learns to listen attentively to what is said between the lines and for ferreting out what else needs to be brought out into the open. Words left unspoken can often be the most dangerous because they lurk and fester. Also, an astute leader notices who isn’t saying anything and tries to find out why and then find out what was left unstated. An open environment will tell you a lot but rarely will each individual involved be totally upfront about what is on their mind. Feedback and alternative perspectives are essential to a healthy organization of any type.

Discovering the way someone processes their thoughts and how those turn into actions is a prime responsibility for an effective leader. The method a person arrives at for his or her conclusions can be the basis for understanding how that person views their world, how they find solutions to problems, how they will interact with others, and if they work better on their own or as part of a team.

An innovative and interesting way to engage people’s imagination is to make use of slogans. These can make a big difference in attitude and productivity. Advertisers have known this for a long time and companies have built up a certain image internally and externally by branding their strategy, product, or service with a slogan. The words may be forceful (as in Martin Luther King’s famous “I have a dream”) or they may be more subtle and only used within a small group as their private cheer or motivating statement. This idea can work for a corporate company, a special team, a club, or an individual entrepreneur.
Being an effective, liked, and respected leader entails a lot of characteristics that aren’t always easy to live up to and live with. But they will make you successful and people will be loyal to you-regardless of the circumstances. Act with integrity, be accountable, express interest, act with quality, be dynamic and flexible, show humor, reassure your working companions that you are there for them, create winning situations, and be a catalyst. You probably already incorporate most of these traits into your life – now enhance them to enlarge your base of positive power.
By Virginia Reeves

Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we simply can’t seem to break through from an area of life that we are struggling with, which causes us to continually experience things such as lack of money, or inability to gain love and support.

There Is A Way To Change Your Life For The Better!

In order to achieve outer results in life, there is a necessity to create inner adjustments and the only way to do this effectively is to directly embrace the aspect of ourselves that isn’t working, and then “re-script” the reality that we do wish to create.

Apart from powerful Quanta Freedom™ Healing solutions which are often instant, the 11/11 process provides breakthrough solutions and if adhered to diligently creates fast and sustainable results.

How the 11/11 Healing Process Can Help

This process is a powerful method for changing a false belief system that isn’t serving you into a positive belief system. Doing so will create miraculous new realities. The numbers 11/11 are known by spiritualists as a ‘portal of manifestation’. Many people attest to seeing the numbers 11/11 continually in everyday life, such as on clocks, number plates and signs.

Individuals who have worked with this process diligently and correctly have indeed experienced great shifts in thinking and behaviour as well as created powerful positive manifestations.

The 11/11 Process works like this… You are establishing an essential and intimate relationship with yourself. Your conscious mind is focusing upon a new positive program and filtering this to your subconscious. False belief systems will be released from your subconscious to make room for the new positive program.

What Can Be Expected from Doing The 11/11 Healing Process

People and situations will reflect to you your new internal belief system. For example the positive statement “I love and accept myself” will start creating outer conditions that support this belief. (Such events will grant you feedback as to how you are absorbing the new program.)

you’ll feel peace, empowerment and a greater connection with yourself.

Your responses will contain vital information as to which belief systems will require ongoing re-programming. Your subconscious will reveal the next steps of your healing journey.

Your thoughts, words and actions will start supporting your new belief system, which powerfully assists the creation of the life you wish to live.

How To Do The 11/11 Healing Process

Write the positive belief system down in a journal. As you do so, focus on the positive statement.
After writing this statement, sit and wait for your mind to grant a response. DO NOT judge the response in anyway. Simply write it. It could be anything ranging from negativity / disbelief to positivity / belief or any related issues or any unrelated issues. If nothing comes to mind write “No response.” The response can be as long or as short as you wish.
Continue this process 11 times.
Do this process once a day for 11 days straight.

Important Points to Remember
The full 11 positive statements and responses must be written in one sitting with no breaks or distractions.
If you leave out a day you must begin the process from day one again.
Up to three positive belief systems can be worked on simultaneously. Each of these must be completed one at a time – i.e. 11 statements and responses each.
A break of 11 days is required before returning to work on the same positive statement.

Example of the 11/11 Process

Journal Entries :: Day 1 – 5/7/07
Affirmation: I unconditionally love and accept myself.
Response: I don’t know if I can do this. This feels so hard. Part of me is sitting here saying, ‘What the hell – what do I need to do this for?’ Another part of me really knows that for some reason I have to. I can’t even imagine having a conversation like this with myself. Normally, I’d sit down, tune out and watch TV.

Affirmation: I unconditionally love and accept myself.
Response: Okay, so here I am doing this. Okay, what is it going to mean? What does loving me feel like? It certainly has to feel better than the stinking versions of love I’ve had. What is love anyway? If it means feeling better and really being able to trust someone again and open my heart, I guess it’s got to be okay. Anything’s got to be better than what’s happened before.

Affirmation: I unconditionally love and accept myself.
Response: So I’m doing really well – up to the third one already and I haven’t walked away yet! God, I’m good! (Just a little bit of humour). How interesting! How often do I try to cover up my feelings with humour – now I’m uncomfortable having a conversation with myself, especially one that is about telling myself something nice! Come to think of it it’s always been hard for me to accept any compliments from anyone.

Affirmation: I unconditionally love and accept myself.
Response: Who the hell am I trying to kid! I don’t love myself. I never have. If I loved myself I wouldn’t drink myself to oblivion every chance I have and I wouldn’t keep choosing men who beat the crap out of me. It’s really pretty obvious that I have terrible self-worth and self-love. I am sick to death of trying to prove how tough I am and put on a front. The bottom line is I’m terrified of getting hurt and damaged again – and then I shortcut the system by damaging myself first.

Affirmation: I unconditionally love and accept myself.
Response: So I know I’m supposed to be really honest with my responses and I’m really trying to. Blah, blah – what on earth else can I say? Alright – you want to know the truth? Of course I’d love to believe this statement. Who wouldn’t? It’s been so hard trying to feel alright. Why on earth couldn’t I have grown up feeling loved? Why did I have to go through what I did? Of course I know the reason why – to bloody well heal myself. But it still hurts. Great I’m crying now – as if I need more pain!

Affirmation: I unconditionally love and accept myself.
Response: Okay, I know, I know – get it out! The only way out is through! So I’m really focusing on this statement ‘I love myself’ – I’m trying. I want this. I want so badly to feel loved, and safe and protected. I never have been. I’ve never felt this, ever, ever in my whole life. Please, please something help me, help me feel this one day. Okay, breathe. I know I’m going to be okay. It’s perfectly alright to feel this pain – surely what isn’t going to kill me is going to make me stronger!

Affirmation: I unconditionally love and accept myself.
Response: So what are the choices – throw in the towel because I’m crying and go and pick up a drink, or stay here with my journal? I’m sick of giving in to myself and causing more pain. Okay, no matter what it takes I am determined. I’m sick of my life and I want to change it for the better. I’m 43 years of age and I feel like I’ve never got anywhere. It’s time I did something about it. I really do know no one is ever going to love me unless I learn to love myself.

Affirmation: I unconditionally love and accept myself.
Response: Okay, journal I’m here with you. Whew! That feels better, I was nearly tempted for a moment. No more! No more crap! What a roller-coaster – all because I’m sitting here writing to myself telling me ‘I love myself’. My God – is it any wonder I never believed anybody else who said these words? Is it any wonder that I viewed them with suspicion, or was waiting for them to leave, hurt me or run off with another woman, just like my father did?

Affirmation: I unconditionally love and accept myself.
Response: What a bloody system. Fix it or reincarnate and do it again! Gee, great choices. Is there an option number three? I guess not – even ‘pick a box’ might be better. What if I don’t want to be me? What if God got it wrong? Do I get a trade-in or a refund? Can’t I swap bodies with someone else, someone who has less cellulite?

Affirmation: I unconditionally love and accept myself.
Response: That was pretty funny. Now I’m laughing. Shit! I really do take it all way too seriously. So what if I have a bit of cellulite? I don’t expect other people to be perfect, so why on earth do I think I have to be? Even gorgeous movie stars have cellulite. Having cellulite never made someone a bad person.

Affirmation: I unconditionally love and accept myself.
Response: I know I can do this. So there really is a lot to love about me when I think about it. There are plenty of people that appreciate me. The problem is I have been too busy hooking into the people that don’t and trying to make them accept me. I’d do much better by simply loving me and allowing other loving people to be around me.

This process continues each day for 11 days straight.
Below are partial examples of day 5 and day 11 . . .

Journal Entries :: Day 5 – 9/7/07
Affirmation: I unconditionally love and accept myself.
Response: So here we go again. I’ve been such a good girl. I haven’t drunk one night since I’ve started doing this. I’m probably too scared of what I’ll write if I’m drunk! Actually I know I won’t do it if I start drinking – and I’m determined to go through with this. I really have to admit I’m feeling better already.

Affirmation: I unconditionally love and accept myself.
Response: I’m pretty proud of myself. I did the best grocery shop I can remember doing in a long time. No more baked beans on toast! I actually feel like cooking for myself again. I can’t believe it! Surely this must mean I am starting to ‘love myself’. Everyone at work has commented by saying how much better I look. Sure, sure it only took four nights of balling my eyes out – but hey it must have been worth it!

Affirmation: I unconditionally love and accept myself.
Response: So dear journal I am spending more time with you having conversations than I can remember being bothered to talk to anyone for a long time. But this is having a conversation with myself. Surely people used to get locked up for doing this! I must say I have been sleeping so much better than I can remember for a long time. I’m not feeling anywhere nearly as lonely as I was, and I really am not tempted to try and get back together with that loser. Thank God!

Affirmation: I unconditionally love and accept myself.
Response: I had such a nice conversation with my daughter today. She sounded much happier than she has sounded for a long time. She told me how much better it was for us to talk without me criticizing her. Did I really always used to do this? I guess I never realised how I came across because I was so involved in my own pain.

Affirmation: I unconditionally love and accept myself.
Response: Does this mean I’m off the alcohol? I didn’t think I’d be able to stop drinking like this. Okay, it’s early days. I know I have a long way to go. One day at a time. Okay, keep focusing on looking after me. Bugger it! I am going to book a healing this week, and I’m also going to go and get my hair done. I think I might even tell the hairdresser to do a completely new style. I deserve to feel and look good. I haven’t gone through all this writing for nothing!

Continue through till number 11.

Journal Entries :: Day 11 – 15/7/07
Affirmation: I unconditionally love and accept myself.
Response: I can feel me coming on! Yes! I got a raise today. Okay, so it was only small, but it was a raise. And my brother has invited me up to Queensland for a week and he has offered to pay. This is pretty darn good. Life truly isn’t that bad after all, and I still haven’t had a drink. I really don’t feel like it.

Affirmation: I unconditionally love and accept myself.
Response: A couple of the guys told me how spunky I look! Not that I’m interested in either of them, but it is really nice to get the compliments. I certainly haven’t felt like I could bother feeling attractive. Now I want to go out and get a new wardrobe – or at least some bits and pieces – money permitting!

Affirmation: I unconditionally love and accept myself.
Response: I know this is working. I can feel it. My life really is pretty good. I do have a lot to be thankful for. When I think of what some other people have to try and deal with, I really do have it pretty good. I know now I have a focus on myself and am feeling better. And I have stopped drinking. I’m nowhere nearly as unhappy and stressed as I used to be. I really want to find a hobby now. I used to play tennis years ago and loved it. I wonder if Anne would like to join something with me, she used to play when she was younger too.

Affirmation: I unconditionally love and accept myself.
Response: It’s actually feeling great not having a guy in my life at the moment. I never thought I’d say this! I really want to concentrate on myself for a while – this is feeling too good to stuff it up with a guy! I really would love the right love relationship but I know I need to get myself right first. I so don’t want to fall back into the same pattern again. It’s way too painful. If I really work at finding me – for the first time in my life – it never has to happen again.

Affirmation: I unconditionally love and accept myself.
Response: I really am starting to know what it feels like to love myself. I now know it is a warmth, a safety and a feeling that everything is going to be okay. It’s also a wanting to look after myself and enjoy my life. For the first time that I can remember I actually feel love. I feel like I want to make up for lost time. I really feel like I want to do the things that I have been too sad and depressed to do. This feels great. I am starting to feel free of the pain. It’s not all the time, but the good times and feelings are getting longer and longer. They aren’t just fleeting moments.

Continue through till number 11.

Although many of the factors affecting self confidence are beyond your control, there are a number of things you can consciously do to build self confidence. By using these 10 strategies you can get the mental edge you need to reach your potential.
1. Dress Sharp

Although clothes don’t make the man, they certainly affect the way he feels about himself. No one is more conscious of your physical appearance than you are. When you don’t look good, it changes the way you carry yourself and interact with other people. Use this to your advantage by taking care of your personal appearance. In most cases, significant improvements can be made by bathing and shaving frequently, wearing clean clothes, and being cognizant of the latest styles.

This doesn’t mean you need to spend a lot on clothes. One great rule to follow is “spend twice as much, buy half as much”. Rather than buying a bunch of cheap clothes, buy half as many select, high quality items. In long run this decreases spending because expensive clothes wear out less easily and stay in style longer than cheap clothes. Buying less also helps reduce the clutter in your closet.

2. Walk Faster

One of the easiest ways to tell how a person feels about herself is to examine her walk. Is it slow? tired? painful? Or is it energetic and purposeful? People with confidence walk quickly. They have places to go, people to see, and important work to do. Even if you aren’t in a hurry, you can increase your self confidence by putting some pep in your step. Walking 25% faster will make to you look and feel more important.

3. Good Posture

Similarly, the way a person carries herself tells a story. People with slumped shoulders and lethargic movements display a lack of self confidence. They aren’t enthusiastic about what they’re doing and they don’t consider themselves important. By practicing good posture, you’ll automatically feel more confident. Stand up straight, keep your head up, and make eye contact. You’ll make a positive impression on others and instantly feel more alert and empowered.

4. Personal Commercial

One of the best ways to build confidence is listening to a motivational speech. Unfortunately, opportunities to listen to a great speaker are few and far between. You can fill this need by creating a personal commercial. Write a 30-60 second speech that highlights your strengths and goals. Then recite it in front of the mirror aloud (or inside your head if you prefer) whenever you need a confidence boost.

5. Gratitude

When you focus too much on what you want, the mind creates reasons why you can’t have it. This leads you to dwell on your weaknesses. The best way to avoid this is consciously focusing on gratitude. Set aside time each day to mentally list everything you have to be grateful for. Recall your past successes, unique skills, loving relationships, and positive momentum. You’ll be amazed how much you have going for you and motivated to take that next step towards success.

6. Compliment other people

When we think negatively about ourselves, we often project that feeling on to others in the form of insults and gossip. To break this cycle of negativity, get in the habit of praising other people. Refuse to engage in backstabbing gossip and make an effort to compliment those around you. In the process, you’ll become well liked and build self confidence. By looking for the best in others, you indirectly bring out the best in yourself.

7. Sit in the front row

In schools, offices, and public assemblies around the world, people constantly strive to sit at the back of the room. Most people prefer the back because they’re afraid of being noticed. This reflects a lack of self confidence. By deciding to sit in the front row, you can get over this irrational fear and build your self confidence. You’ll also be more visible to the important people talking from the front of the room.

8. Speak up

During group discussions many people never speak up because they’re afraid that people will judge them for saying something stupid. This fear isn’t really justified. Generally, people are much more accepting than we imagine. In fact most people are dealing with the exact same fears. By making an effort to speak up at least once in every group discussion, you’ll become a better public speaker, more confident in your own thoughts, and recognized as a leader by your peers.

9. Work out

Along the same lines as personal appearance, physical fitness has a huge effect on self confidence. If you’re out of shape, you’ll feel insecure, unattractive, and less energetic. By working out, you improve your physical appearance, energize yourself, and accomplish something positive. Having the discipline to work out not only makes you feel better, it creates positive momentum that you can build on the rest of the day.

10. Focus on contribution

Too often we get caught up in our own desires. We focus too much on ourselves and not enough on the needs of other people. If you stop thinking about yourself and concentrate on the contribution you’re making to the rest of the world, you won’t worry as much about you own flaws. This will increase self confidence and allow you to contribute with maximum efficiency. The more you contribute to the world the more you’ll be rewarded with personal success and recognition.

The reason I believe the addiction to suffering is the most tragic is because many people do not even know they are addicted to it. They live their lives of silent misery oftentimes believing that is how life should be. Many religions promote suffering as necessary and a part of life. The most ironic of all ironies is that the one thing we all have in common is that we all want to be happy. Yet we all suffer from this addiction to be miserable. The lucky ones are the ones that realize that suffering is optional and they do something about it.

Suffering sometimes is difficult to identify. Oftentimes we experience periods of time when we are not in crisis mode and we are getting what we want. We think that we are happy. In fact, what we are experiencing is low-grade anxiety, not happiness. Happiness has nothing to do with getting what we want. The feeling that we experience when we get what we want is pleasure, not happiness. When we are experiencing pleasure, there is always the underlying fear that it will not last and we experience constant stress. In fact, suffering always follows pleasure. It is part of life.

It would appear that the addiction to suffering begins at an early age, when we learn that we can get our parents’ attention and the attention of loved ones when we engage in forbidden or negative behavior. This is known as “negative attention”. When we are “good”, and follow the rules laid down by the authority figures in our lives, we only get occasional attention. We quickly learn that we can get attention by breaking the rules, defying our parents, and engaging in anti-social behavior. It seems that most people believe that they can only get attention by being the best at something or being a pest. It doesn’t matter that engaging in behavior that results in punishment actually is painful, it does have the desired effect, and people pay attention to us.

Ironically, many times we are not aware we are engaging in this type of behavior. We mistakenly label life as unfair and ourselves victims, when we have created the behavior that has the adverse consequences. Then we suffer, stop making any effort to take responsibility for our actions and become drama kings and queens. Think of the people in our lives that live with the most melodrama, the most adverse consequences, and often view themselves as the ultimate victims in an unfair world. Both the behavior and the complaining about the adverse consequences are subconsciously calculated to get attention.

Many times this addiction is underlying a more visible addiction, substance abuse, sexual abuse, or criminal behavior. When society has had enough of this behavior, it simply locks these people away with others with similar addictions. We can attempt to recover from these superficial addictions, but end up miserable and self-defeating because we are not aware of the underlying addiction to suffering. AA has a saying, sober up a horse thief and you have a horse thief. You do not become happy by becoming sober. This is why so many people relapse.

So how does one recover from this addiction? As with other addictions, the first step is awareness and taking responsibility for what we do. When we admit to ourselves that we are unhappy and want to change, that is half the battle. We have to stop lying to ourselves and saying that we are happy when we are not. The suffering only increases when we lie to others and ourselves. We have to identify the cause of our suffering, which is our thinking. When we are completely honest and admit that it is our thinking that is causing our suffering, not outside circumstances, and then we have a chance of becoming happy.

You cannot stop thinking. That is humanly impossible. The only solution is to realize that our thinking is not who we are. In other words, we are not our thoughts. Our thoughts are the byproduct of millions of electrical biochemical events every second in our brain. Awareness is not thinking. We can be aware of our thoughts if we detach from them and realize that they are not real. So the addiction to suffering can also be described as the addiction to thinking.

In order to recover from this addiction — the addiction to thinking — we have to let go of our attachment to thinking. Thinking actually is good; it is what gets us dressed in the morning, accomplishes goals, life in society and helps us survive in this physical dimension. However, we have to recognize the difference between “I” as a self-aware life force and “I” as a collection of thoughts. The former is naturally happy; the latter suffers. The more we focus on the former, the happier we are. The more we fall into the trap of believing that we are our thoughts, the more we suffer.
Instead of believing our thoughts, we can look at the sunset, we can observe what is going on around us without thought or opinion, we can enjoy just “being.” Since we are human beings, we are going to lower ourselves into the hell of thinking from time to time, but it doesn’t have to be all of the time. If we remember that thinking is an addiction which causes suffering, perhaps we won’t do it so much and enjoy life more.
By James Robinson

I’m not where I was now
No matter what the case may be
I will not succumb, I vow
Surely, I shall make it for all to see

I might not be a hero
Sitting on a chair, yellow
But I’m not down to zero
At least, take me as a fellow.

I remember, I told you so
But all you gave me was a frown
Vehemently, you said NO
Right now look at my crown.